Now that I’m in my late forties, I’ve decided to start giving out my excellent (and unsolicited) advice – FOR FREE! Here’s a list of things that would have made life SO MUCH easier for me if only I’d known. If you’re already aware of these tips, then WOW. You’re on a solid path to success in relationships and life in general.
It wasn’t until my forties that I realized I didn’t even know some basic facts about myself! It’s good (and vital) to actually sit down and write about your likes and dislikes. Start a bucket list. Do you want to live somewhere else or stay where you grew up? Do you want kids? There is no right or wrong answer to any of these questions. Everyone’s different, and so are you. Your wants and hopes will vary from friends sometimes – and that’s PERFECTLY FINE. You don’t want to be carbon copies of anyone, even if they are your best friend.
Buy one of those journals that asks a thousand questions and work on answering them! Do you believe in God? What’s your backup plan if you decide not to pursue your ideal job? Do you refuse to have a backup plan because you are THAT determined to succeed in your chosen career? Of course, you will change, and nothing’s written in stone. It’s important that you start thinking about who you are.
Confronting Your Trauma
We gotta deal with the crappy experiences we had as kids. We can run and hide, but they will ALWAYS find us. The sooner you begin healing, the easier it is to not have those events bite you in the ass later on. What was horrible for one person might not be a major issue for another person. All experiences are valid.
We were hurt at some point. We were left feeling unloved and unwanted at some point. It wasn’t our fault. The person who hurt us might not have even realized it. They might have known and didn’t care. It’s still not our fault.
ACCEPT these awful things happened. We can’t change them. But now they exist separately and don’t define us. We can observe and analyze without judgment, then we MUST try to move on!
It’s Not All About You
This was a BIG ONE for me. Don’t assume people are talking about you. Don’t assume people dislike you. Don’t try to analyze the look someone gave you while walking down the street or hallway. Don’t try to interpret a weird text or email. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to know, so let it go. You’ll find out one way or another if you need to. Seriously.
If you have doubts about somebody, ask them. If you don’t have the courage to ask, you have to let it go. Don’t suffer. Ask them in a note if you can’t ask face to face. But at first, just assume it’s nothing to do with you. Truthfully, it RARELY IS. Most people are worrying about their own issues or interests. We’re the ones left worrying. Whoever it is we suspect of wronging us, gossiping, whatever it is, they sure aren’t thinking about it. Neither should we!
Who suffers if we isolate? Them? No. WE DO. Why torture ourselves? We know we want to be around friends, family, and/or romantic interests. Don’t be afraid to cut off toxic people, but don’t think being silent or ignoring them is going to make them chase after. THEY WON’T. I suppose there is a small chance, but unlikely.
When we’re depressed, we need our people even more. When we get into the habit of being a hermit and isolating, it becomes our way of life. That’s not always a great thing. It becomes WAY HARDER to connect and meet people. I know.
Sex Is Actually a Big Deal
I’m not ever going to shame anyone, but sex ended up being way more serious than I thought. Don’t give yourself to someone who doesn’t respect you and doesn’t plan to speak to you the next day! There ARE emotions involved whether we acknowledge them or not.
It’s better to wait than to settle. Don’t worry about how old you are or what other people’s expectations are. Do what is right FOR YOU. And for the love of Pete, PREPARE. If you know you plan to have sex, get on the pill and CARRY CONDOMS on you. Don’t rely on anyone else to be the responsible one. YOU have to be the responsible one. It’s YOUR BODY. It’s your temple, my people! It’s what you got in this physical existence.
Ask Him/Her Lots of Questions
This is actually something you should do BEFORE having sex, but I won’t go into that. However, don’t emotionally, mentally, and spiritually commit yourself to anyone before knowing them! Do they plan to move? Do they want kids? Do they like puppies? I mean, compare your list of things about you with a list about them. If you don’t have much in common, why would you have sex with them? Why would you get in a relationship with them? THEY WON’T CHANGE. Never count on changing another human being, and if they expect YOU to change, well, RED FLAG. Run!
Well, that’s it for now. I hope maybe this blog helped someone. Be mindful. Be cautious, but not closed off. You are worthy of love and respect. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
If someone says no or rejects you, don’t let it crush your spirit. Smile, wish them well, and continue making your dreams come true! This goes for careers and relationships.
I still think we can do anything we set our minds to. It’s executing that mission that can be hard. The world is scary and hurtful, but NEVER FORGET, it’s also a MIRACLE and full of beauty, magic, and wonder.